I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
