Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
