I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
