the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
God, I missed his penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
