Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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