Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
