Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
