Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And then my night got REAL pukey
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
God, I missed his penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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