there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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