Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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