Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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