I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
