I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
