i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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