3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
