Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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