i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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