my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
