Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
