Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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