oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
