the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
