I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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