he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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