I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize