Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
