One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think people are normalizing furries
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
