I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
