Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
