i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
