what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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