I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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