Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
