Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
