It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
