Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
