okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
