the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
