my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
