Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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