I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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