I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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