Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
