i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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