she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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