i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Green mimosas i think yes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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