all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
