it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i've created a new STD.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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