I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
