i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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