We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
