it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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