I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
