ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
