You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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