I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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