I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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