I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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