ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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