So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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