Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
