I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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