I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
