That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
