I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
