the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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