We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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