Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
