Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
