people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
