I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
