Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
