i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
