In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is the high leading the old right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
